There Is a Small Light at The End of The Tunnel

Last night was better, in fact yesterday the only thing that stressed me out was the screaming and crying she did the entire way back from our walk and then when she peed all over the changing table. Minor things of course, but when they happen it feels to me like the end of the world. Her cry is like a newborns cry. It starts off with that squealing pig sound and ends with that vibration that newborns have. It really gets to me quickly. Other than that, it was a good night. Everyone ate well and she even let me feed her baby food with a spoon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a HUGE deal!!!! And everyone went to bed early. Bee at 8, Riley at 9:30, and me at 10. I woke up this morning at 5am to watch Joyce Meyer, take a shower, and have my coffee and it totally makes a difference. I started taking some fish oil and St. John's Wart and my vitamins again  and I really do feel better. I 'm trying to keep my head up and have a positive attitude and not let myself sink into that "My Life Sucks" thing. So everything is helping. We are working on teaching her sign language because I think that is why she screams when she wants something. Jesse remembered how he felt in the hotel room in Korea and that he would do anything to soother her so that she wouldn't disturb the neighbors. And we both think that if her foster parents lived in an apartment building , which most likely they did, that this is the same thing they did. And now she knows that if she screams loud enough, she gets what she wants. The screams are lessening which is good. Everything is improving except I got bit today on my thigh and holy crap did that hurt!!!!! She went right down for a nap after that one. If there are 3 things that I CAN'T STAND, it's being screamed at , having my hair pulled, and being bit! And she does all 3, so imagine why I am  having some bonding issues. I have two awesome middle school girls from my church who are coming over on Tuesday to help me clean and maybe occupy Riley for a few hours. I'm excited about that. I'm still concerned about #7 on yesterday's list. I started yesterday and I already see signs of her "mommy shopping" beginning. For those of you who don't understand what that is or are not familiar with adoption, you can read my previous post about attachment. " Mommy Shopping" is the term those of us in the adoption world use for when the child is reaching out to others to pick them up. If Bee was a normal 1 year old, and I mean normal in the sense that she had never experienced a traumatic event, it would be completely age appropriate for her to be doing this. But she is not a typical 1 year old, and so as I am going to be allowing others to help me , those people will need to be aware of this. In addition to allowing me to initiate the holding, I ask that you don't reach your arms out to her, and if she reaches out to you please direct her attention back to me and tell her that I am her mommy. This may sound stupid to some people, but it really is important. Especially if we are going to allow a few people to have holding privileges this early in her transition . If someone else is holding her besides mommy and daddy she may start to wonder if it is time for her to be going to another mommy and daddy. That is why we need to be careful with this and make sure that Jesse and I are still the ones meeting her needs and that everyone is reassuring her that we are her mommy and daddy. Well, she is asleep and I am off to the kitchen to make some much needed best ever banana bread!!! YUM