This morning I feel much much better. There could be a few reasons for that. Yesterday I did A LOT of talking. I talked to my friend who is an adoptive mom, I talked to my best friend from high school who is an adoptee, I talked to a friend who went through post partum depression, and I talked to our previous social worker, and most importantly I talked A LOT to GOD. The other reason could be that Jesse came home last night. Just knowing that someone else is here to take care of them if I needed to go in the other room for 5 minutes is HUGE! I was supposed to go to our youth group bible study when he got home but for the first time in a while I was happy and enjoying playing with her and I just felt I needed to be here. So I stayed home and when I put her to bed last night I was not frustrated. I didn't feel that need for her to go to bed right away and I actually enjoyed rocking her to sleep. I haven't felt that way in over 2 weeks! This morning I got up with Jesse at 5 :30 am and drank my coffee, watched the news, read my devotional , and got dressed. They are both still asleep and boy does it feel good to have the time alone. Talking with our previous social worker really helped put things into perspective for me and helped me create some goals for myself. Here is my list of things that I need to do for myself.
1. Go to bed early so that I am getting enough sleep.
2. Get up early to have some time to myself before the crazy day.
3. Eat and make sure it is healthy food.
4. Take a walk in the morning after breakfast to get out of the house and get some exercise.
5. See our doctor and discuss natural remedies/medicines to help with my depression.
6. Find a counselor to see on a regular basis to work through some of my own adoption issues that are surfacing through this.
7. Allow myself a break when I need it.
8. Get some help with the housework.
So I did # 1 and 2 and plan to do the rest today or at least schedule the rest. I have an appt with our doctor today and I have 2 awesome girls from church who have volunteered to come and help me with cleaning a couple times a week. #7 is going to be a very important one. It is one that I discussed with our social worker and it is the one that is causing the most stress for me I think. Being the sole caregiver is a HUGE responsibility and becomes overwhelming when I also have to take care of the house and myself . So I am going to be allowing a small group of close family and friends to help me. When I need a break for a couple minutes I will be letting someone else to hold her. If I need to get out of the house I will call someone to come over and watch the kids for a couple hours. This DOES NOT mean that we are ready to pass her around or that we feel she is ready to be held be others so please don't go overboard here. If you are in this small group of people that I trust to help me, please don't ask to hold her, please let me be the one to initiate it. Please understand that the ONLY reason I am doing this is because I need the break. I have spoken to our social worker who agrees that we still need to be the ones to meet her needs and that limiting her time with others is still the right thing to .We still know what is best for our daughter. I have made plans for my mom to come this weekend to watch the kids so Jesse and I can go out for a few hours because I need to spend time with him alone. I am not sure how Bee is going to do with someone else putting her to bed, but she will see me in the morning and know that I am still here. It's just something I need to do for myself. I really need everyone's support and prayers right now because I am going through some serious stuff emotionally and at the same time do what is right for my daughter. I know that I am no good to her if I am stressed out and depressed so I am getting help and allowing others to help me. Thank you all for the supportive comments , emails, and messages of Facebook. It really does help. Please keep us in your prayers.
12 comments:
Kara: Your goals are wise. You won't be able to help Bee until you have helped yourself. I'm so happy you are giving yourself a little break now and then. It's critical!
Enjoy your time with your hubby!
Great list! I think that you will find that getting out even for 30 minutes on your own will make a HUGE difference. And don't listen to people who make you feel anything other than supported in this effort :) Bee and Riley will be fine, and letting a small group of people hold Bee is alright. Kids are very resilient, and she knows who her caregivers are at this point! Best of luck to you!
Kara, I am so happy to see this update. It sounds like you have a great plan set into action and are genuinely doing what is best for your family. You need to be able to take care of yourself so that you can also be there to take care of your family. I hope you have a wonderful time with Jesse this weekend and that all of these steps will lead to that light at the end of the tunnel.
I wish there was more I could do to help, but prayers are coming your way!
Kara,
Hugs and prayers! I think your goals are well thought out and you've come up with feasible ways to implement them that will work well for your family. Way to go! Thinking of you!
Sounds like you're making some really good concrete steps...the list sounds great. Will be praying for you and your family!
I am so happy that you are having some good moments. I think all of your plans are great sounding, and doesn't just having a plan already make you feel better? I know it made me feel better:)I will be thinking Happy thoughts for you and your family today!
I'm so happy to see your proactive list. And I can't wait to see the wonderful results for you and your family :)
I think this is a great list. I really hope that the rest of the day was as good as the beginning. I hope you have a great night out with Jesse. Thinking of you!!
Kara, this sounds like a great plan. I know this can't be easy. I'm glad you will be able to go out with your hubby! Take care of yourself first so you can take care of your family :)
Kara, I'm so happy for you that you have a plan and a way to accomplish it. As I've said before, I had my mom start helping me a week after Andy came home and it was the best thing I did - both for myself and for him. Bee will be fine and can only benefit from having a mom who isn't frustrated and burnt-out.
You will continue to be in my prayers.
I'm so glad you were able to focus and make a plan of action. You sound better already...hopeful and more relaxed.
Kara,
I'm so proud of you. The biggest step you have taken is admitting you need help and need to take care of yourself first. I didn't adopt but had four to myself that led to depression and hopelessness. I felt I was being selfish if I focused on me instead of them. Now in the long run, I should have listened to the many that told me to seek help. You will make it and the days seem forever, oh how I remember, and now they seem to have past so fast. My prayers are with you.
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