Waiting Sucks!!!!!!!!

Ok, it's almost midnight and I can't sleep. I have not called the state at all this week and do not plan to , but today was really hard. I'm trying to not think about it and keep myself busy, but it's really starting to get to me. Tonight, Riley went out and took a stick to my rose bushes, which really made things worse. He said he was mad because I wouldn't let him put up our family night decorations. I was really upset and then we went inside and calmed down and he went back out with me and showed me exactly what he hit and it was a lot more than I thought. I pruned back all the broken branches and then he says, "Look mommy, buried treasure". It was my pair of pruners that I had lost about 4 months ago. With all this rain that we have had it must have washed them up . They're a little rusty but we can clean them up. I tried to talk to him and tell him next time he gets mad he needs to come to me and talk to me instead of hitting something. We both are very emotional right now and everything sets us off. I think that is what makes me the most sad. How this whole wait is starting to take a toll on our family. I am constantly on edge, even when I try my hardest, and Riley is the master at pushing my buttons. I feel like my life is on hold and has been for a long time. We can't make any plans for anything because we don't know what is going to happen and when. I'm trying to fill up the days with stuff to do but I usually end up with nothing to do after 2pm. And it's so hot here that we can't stand to be outside very long. Riley lasts about 15 minutes and the he wants to go in. So he gets real crazy after 2pm. We bought some balloons and things like that to play with in the house. Saturday will be family night this week. Jesse and I are going out to dinner tomorrow for some seafood. His birthday is Sunday so the whole weekend is like party weekend. Well I'm off to bed finally. Thank you so much for continuing to pray for us and our little Cameron. I hope to post good news next week.