Tuesday, June 23, 2009
What can I say.....
I don't even know what to call this post. I have had 9 hours for this to sink in and it is starting to feel more real even though I can't believe it has happened. I've had quite a few beers and thankfully Riley went to bed early tonight. I feel so bad for him. He is so confused and I don't even know what to tell him right now. Over the last 2 years he thought he was getting a sister and then he found out he was getting a brother and now what? He has seen his picture and he know his name . He even know his Korean name. I walked in Cameron's room tonight and saw all the clothes and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. Then I went to Jesse's suitcase to get out the care packages we were taking to send them back and I got out Cameron's jammies I had bought for him to wear on the plane and I just lost it. How can they just take him away like that? I'm scared for him. Does she really know what she is doing, is she really capable of raising him? How do I know that he will be ok? I can't believe that I will never know that. It just breaks my heart to know that he will never know how much we loved him. Maybe he will never know that he almost went to another family in the United States. I just can't believe that this is happening. This morning I was looking at his picture and thinking how much I couldn't wait to see him and hold him and now I'm trying to forget and move on. The hardest thing to do was to take his name and his picture down from my blog. That just made it too real for me. Please pray for us and for Cameron. Please pray that he will be well cared for and that his parents will love him as much as we do. We love you Cameron and always will.
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4 comments:
Oh this must be the hardest thing you have had to go through. This same thing happend to another blogger friend of mine who were longing to bring home there little Lucy Lane from Etheopia. They had 5 other kids who also fell in love with her. The birth mom changed her mind. They did get another referral, and now have there Lucy Lane home. I remember reading her posts also and feeling her pain just as I feel yours. The only thing we can do at times like this is fall at the feet of Jesus. For some reason this happened and you will know...I promise, when your child is home at last with you!!!! Im praying for Gods peace to overwhelm you and your family tonight!
Kara, I am so sorry. I keep thinking of you and your family and of baby Cameron. And I can't fathom all of the different emotions and thoughts you must be going through. I truly hope that you will find peace with this sometime soon, and that it will make sense to Riley and your family at least a little. In the meantime, I will keep praying for you, and hoping with you.
There are no words to ease your pain, but I pray that time will begin to heal your hearts. In time, you will know what the next steps will be for you and your family. In the meantime, take comfort in knowing that people across the country are praying for you.
gina
Oh, I'm so sorry for all that has happened. What a difficult thing to go through. I'm sad little C will not be able to be with you, such a wonderful, loving family.
When we were waiting for our little baby from India, she died just a few days before boarding the airplane. We were so shocked and sad. We later did get another beautiful baby, who we will love forever,from India, but we always remember our first girl too.
Will will have you and your sweet family in our prayers.
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